Things You Should Never Have to Say to Your Children, (But Have Actually Said to Them).

This is an older post from my old blog with a few new additions.  I thought it would be a fun way to start things off here.  I’ll post the funny things my kids have said on another day.

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In no particular order, here they are:

“No, I’m sorry, but you cannot have a pet dolphin.”

“Don’t lick your brother.”

(To an 11 year old) “Stop biting the couch.”

“Do not stand on your brother’s face.”

“In what world was it a good idea to karate kick the banister spindle?”

“No, I’m sorry, you may not have a pet penguin.”

(To a 12 year old) “Why didn’t you lift the lid to the toilet seat before you threw up in it?” (It rebounded off the lid and onto EVERY surface).

“How am I responsible for you losing…. ?” (Fill in the blank with homework, music, scout shirt, Legos, etc.)

(To an 11 year old) “Did you really just bite your brother on the behind?”

(To a smallish child)  “You need to go trick-or-treating.  It will be fun.”

“No, I’m sorry, you cannot have a pet wolf.”

“No, it is not a vacation every time I sit down to feed the baby.” (To which the 11-year-old replies, “I guess I’ll never understand women.”)

“Stop reading your book and…” (Fill in the blank).

“Please play outside and get some sunshine.”

“Don’t eat your shoes! Yucky!”

“Put the golf club down now!”

“Don’t pour dish soap on the carpet!”

“Why did you think it was a good idea to bounce a golf ball against the wall?”

“I am not a jungle gym, please stop climbing on me.”

“No, I’m sorry, you may not have a pet owl.”

“Please try the chocolate ice cream.  I promise it won’t kill you.”

“Don’t you want to take off your hoodie?” (It was 90 degrees outside).

“If wearing pajama pants under your regular pants works for you, go for it.”

“No, you may not have a dinosaur for a pet.  Also, sadly, they are not around anymore.”

“Please don’t rub the bottoms of your shoes on your face.”

“Please don’t rub the bottoms of your shoes on your (sister’s/brother’s) face.”

“Just because something is true, doesn’t mean it needs to be said.”

“You spent an hour looking for all the snow gear for 20 minutes of outside playtime?  Don’t you want to spend more time playing?”

“I think you’re confusing sarcasm with something else.”

…….

Smile and know you’re not alone. I’m in the trenches right beside you.

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